Those first few months as a mom is so hard.
Not only are you physically drained, but you are also mentally exhausted and more sleep deprived than ever before.
Here is some mom to be tips and advice to a new mom I wish I had before my first baby. Use these first time mom tips to help you fully prepare for motherhood, or simply give you comfort for the new mommy to be, knowing things are hard. We’ve all been there.
Advice Not to Give a New Mom
With your first baby, it is often a huge deer in the headlights situation for you.
Nothing is like what you expected and everything is such a challenge.
Here is some advice you don’t have to listen to as a new mom.
Enjoy Every Moment
It is totally okay if you don’t enjoy changing blow out diapers all day long or waking up every two hours at night.
No one expects you to enjoy every aspect of motherhood. Take it one day at a time and just enjoy what you can.
Forcing yourself to enjoy everything will most often lead to burnout and postpartum depression. One of the best parenting tips I have received is to not enjoy every moment, because that way I don’t feel incredible mom guilt when I am struggling.
They are Only a Baby for so Long
This is often said along with enjoy every moment as a new mom.
Sometimes, especially with postpartum depression, things are really rough for first time moms. It usually will make a new mom feel more mom guilt and terrible if someone tells her to enjoy every moment because the baby stage doesn’t last.
All moms are aware of this, but you don’t have to enjoy every single moment. You will still be a good mom.
Many think this helps new moms who are struggling to just stop complaining and enjoy the baby stage as it never lasts.
It is totally fine if you don’t care for the newborn stage. You have every right to complain but it’s so hard!
I personally don’t care for the newborn stage. It is one of the hardest stages for me and I wish it was over quicker.
Yes I enjoy moments but overall, for my mental and physical health the newborn stage is hard; and that’s okay.
This is not encouragement for new moms, but rather makes them feel worse about themselves. It is simply not necessary.
Best Mom to be Tips from Moms Who’ve Been There
Here are some of the best tips for moms to be, given by moms who have already been there and know how difficult it is to be a new mom.
While this is advice for a new mommy, it can be applied to all new parents in general.
Take this advice for new parents lightly and do what you feel is best for your children. While we have been there in some ways, we don’t know your exact situation. Only you know what is best for your baby. However, these new mom tips and tricks could help you as well.
Prioritize Your Mental Health
Your mental health is so important. It is vital during the 4th trimester to take care of your mental health as a new mom.
Learning to prioritize your mental health is one of the best advice I could ever give a new mom.
Tamara from www.pomegranatemom.com shared how she had to learn to tolerate crying and how it actually improved her mental health:
“Learn how to tolerate your child’s crying. It’s extremely hard! I know!! I am one of those moms who have zero-tolerance for their kids’ crying. But I came to realize I need to learn how to tolerate it. Kids cry. We can’t protect them from EVERYTHING. So it’s always something! And if you stress about each tear – like I used to do – you’ll be damaging your nervous system. And your child needs a healthy and happy mom. So learn how to react in a calm way. Your child will see your calmness and feel more secure and at ease, even when shedding a river of tears.”
Here are some of my favorite mental health resources for new moms:
- Postpartum Brain: free mental health toolkit for your postpartum journey.
- Boober: an online therapy platform dedicated to parents going through all stages of life. Choose from a therapist, online classes, or other resources as well.
- Postpartum Depression: website completely dedicated to helping you learn the signs and symptoms along with great resources if you need further help.
You can also get my free new mom survival kit that has pages of prompts and guidance to further help you with your postpartum journey. Get yours here!
If you are struggling with the postpartum stage, check out my postpartum survival kit to help you recover quickly and faster. You can also use essential oils and herbs for postpartum as well to help you feel like yourself once again.
It May Take Time to Bond
This is a very important tip for first-time moms with newborns. Some mothers don’t have a natural connection with their baby the instant they meet. And that’s okay and perfectly normal.
That doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. You are still an amazing mom even if it takes time to bond. It is not your fault.
I experienced this with my second. It just felt off, like I couldn’t really believe it was my baby.
After a few days or weeks, we were able to bond and things felt good. Sometimes it simply just takes time, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Just a Phase, It Won’t Last Forever
RaLea from Balancedfi.com shares how important it is to remember that every stage is only temporary:
“Remember that each tough stage is only temporary. You will sleep through the night again, you will eat a warm meal by yourself again, and your body will feel like yours again. It may take a long time and be overwhelming until then, but things will change and get easier in some way.”
“Don’t stress out – Things will start getting easier!
You, as a new mother, must be thinking that your life is going to be the same forever, but the truth is not like that. Things will start getting easier. First few months (like 6-8 months) are harder. You will start enjoying some time with the baby. There will be some good days and some bad days. Just in a few years, your kids will start helping you in your tasks and eventually, they will end up being your best friends. Life is gonna be much more fun with your kids, Just like you work really hard in your high school and then start enjoying the perks of having a good degree.”
So, when things are challenging and you feel like you cannot go on doing this same thing over and over again, take a deep breath and try to remember it will not last forever.
This is different from the previous not-so-good advice for moms because this allows you to actually take comfort in knowing things won’t last forever. It validates your feelings instead of making you feel worse.
I love hearing this type of encouragement for tired moms because so often our feelings are not validated or checked on. So if it is hard, it is perfectly okay.
Another one of the best tips for new moms I received was to view the newborn postpartum stage as simply survival mode.
You are recovering with postpartum pains and can’t do much.
You experience a new type of exhaustion.
These first few days and even months as a new parent are going to be excruciating at times.
Just try to survive. If that means the dishes don’t get done often, that’s okay.
Focus on your health, as this stage will not last forever and you will feel good again.
Give Yourself Grace
Maria from www.parentonboard.com feels that parents need to give themselves a lot of grace and self compassion:
“Advice I would give to new moms is to bring a lot of self-compassion to the experience. Becoming a mother is a process. It’s a roller coaster ride of hormones and all that comes with it. You should not feel like an expert at anything. You are just learning. Give yourself grace and give yourself space to learn, to grow, and to settle into your new role. It takes time.”
I talk more about giving yourself grace and how it is crucial to being a happy mom in my free training.
Giving yourself grace also helps take away mom guilt and helps you to enjoy motherhood a lot more. This is one of the good advice I received with I was a brand new mom, and it made all the difference for me.
You are an amazing mom.
You are doing the best that you can do.
You are the best mom for your little one.
Saying daily positive affirmations to yourself in a mirror will set you up for success as a new mom.
This was one of the best advice I received as a new mom and share it with everyone.
Positive affirmations help rewrite your thinking to help you believe you truly are enough and are an amazing mom despite your flaws.
You Cannot Spoil a Baby
You cannot spoil a baby. Babies need to be held and loved often during the 4th trimester.
Newborns are so used to being snug in your belly, they need that feeling as soon as they are born.
Babywearing helps your baby feel loved in the comfort of your arms while you are still able to do other things.
Hold your baby as often as you would like, even during naps if you want those sleep cuddles. It will not harm your baby.
In fact, it will be more beneficial to your baby than anything!
I know I said this all throughout the post, but this really is one of the best tips for new moms.
Self-care is not a luxury, it is crucial for your mental health and well-being as a mom.
Find time daily to practice self-care, especially if you are busy. That’s when you need it the most.
Self-care goes way beyond taking a bath. Learn more about how to practice self-care and implement it daily in your life with my self-care journal.
You can also find a self care checklist to help you take that time even as a busy mom.
Do you find it hard to find time for self-care as a new mom? Take this free 7-day self-care challenge to find practical tips to make sure you get that precious time back into your life! Join now!
Many people will offer you help, so make sure to take it!
I know it may be hard to accept help, but raising a child and being a mother takes a big community.
Instead of having someone hold your baby while you do the dishes, have them do the dishes instead!
When someone offers to bring a meal, accept it. More often than not you’ll need the nutrition anyway.
The more you accept help the easier it gets. When you do accept help, don’t feel guilty but rather praise yourself for being a good mom as you are taking care of your needs too.
Natalie from www.mamapreneur.blog shares how you simply have to do what works best for you:
“Don’t be so worried about other people’s feelings when it comes to what you need with your baby. If you want to just lay with your baby and do skin to skin all day but you have visitors that are there for longer than an hour, go to your room and do that! You’ll never get that time back and your bond, rest and needs are what matters more than anything else.”
Stacie from Explorationmotherhood.com completely agrees and shares how you as a mom just need to tune everyone out:
“Your family is YOUR FAMILY. You and your partner get to make the decisions and parenting choices. It’s great to listen and hear what worked for others, but your baby and your family will have unique needs and desires. No two families (or even two children!) will be the same. Tune out the rest of the world and do what works for you!”
Katelyn from Https://freshlybrewedmama.com shares how important it is to be confident and trust your gut:
“There is no one way to do motherhood. Every baby is a “good” baby just as you are a good mom regardless of how you choose to do it. Trust your gut and walk the journey of motherhood the way that it works for you. I wish I had spent less time with my first baby comparing to others and trying to figure out the “right way” to do things. I wish I had been confident in my own way, and let my baby guide me.”
Mama’s intuition is so real. Use it all the time.
Embrace the Chaos
Roxanne from Http://www.thewhatevermom.com shared how powerful it is to just let go and embrace the chaos:
“Being a mom is stressful. But if you block out other people’s unsolicited advice and opinions and just trust your gut, you will find your own strength to get through it. When you quiet down the noise from others, you can find your own mom voice. Motherhood can get messy and chaotic, don’t fight against it. The harder you push to make things perfect, the harder motherhood will feel. Embrace this chaos and use it to evolve.”
As a mom, your life with be chaotic and crazy. You have to simply let go and embrace it.
Your house may always seem hectic and never as clean as you want it to be.
Going out may seem like a huge hurdle all the time preparing and getting children out the door.
It will be crazy despite all your amazing efforts. You will find a way to balance it.
Nici from www.sassysmartandsimple.com shared how just because something worked for one baby doesn’t mean it will work for your baby:
“The most important thing I believe for new moms to hear is that they need to keep things in perspective. What worked for most moms may not work for you and vice Versa. Don’t get caught up in all the different advice on the internet or even within your own family. It’s okay to try different things until you find what works for you. Every child is different but all they really want and need is your attention. If you can give them that basic need they will likely do whatever you ask of them.”
Amanda from the mama life spa feels that you have to do what works best for you as well. Here’s her sweet story:
“You don’t need to pay attention to everyone’s advise. Because at the end of the day , you are doing what works for you. I went crazy trying to breastfeed because I was listening to everyone. The day I stopped breastfeeding was the day I felt like I could be a mom ! Do what is going to work for you that is the BEST for you and your baby!”
Oftentimes comparing takes place on social media.
So, get off social media! I’ve been off for months and it honestly is the greatest thing in the world. I am a much better mom because of this.
Learn all about the incredible benefits of social media fast.
Get into a Routine
Routines are so powerful for everyone. Children thrive on routines especially from a young age.
Routines do not mean everything is set in stone. Remember things might not work out the way you want.
Its all about learning and letting go what you can’t control.
Do your best to set vague routines like naps and bedtimes. When that feels consistent, try adding another routine like bath times.
Slowly things will fall into place and feel natural. Routines help make things easier as a new mom.
Get Some Mom Friends
Having mom friends to talk with helps ease the load when things get rough. Sometimes as moms we just need to rant. Mom friends help with that.
Tabea from https://mymommyheart.com shares how crucial it is to get some mom friends to count on:
“Get yourself some mom-friends if you don’t already have them! Motherhood can feel so lonely at times. It is so important and helpful to have other moms in your life who know what you are going through. Ideally mom-friends are there to share their journey too and walk besides you through it all.”
Carly from Mygreentoddler.com agreed and shared:
“Don’t ever feel judged. All the parents looking on are sympathetic because they’ve been there before. And join a mother’s group. They might sometimes have a bad reputation but they offer fantastic support and it’s great to know others are going through the same as you.”
Being a new mom can be overwhelming and rough. So make sure to take it one day at a time and breathe. Encourage every mom you see, but most importantly yourself. You got this mama!
What advice did you find most helpful when you were a first time mom? Was there any encouragement that helped you get through those first few months as a new mom?
What’s the best advice you received as a new mom? Share your best mom to be tips below!